- cross-posted to:
- femboy@lemmy.blahaj.zone
- cross-posted to:
- femboy@lemmy.blahaj.zone
How to get out of an uncomfortable egg culture situation with this one simple trick.
Real talk: Calling people eggs is a violation of the egg prime directive, and is considered invalidating as you are trying to say that a person is not the gender they identify as, that their identity is invalid. Don’t call people eggs, like ever, it’s extremely uncool.
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Femboys are boys and transgirls are girls.
It’s even in the fucking names
Confusingly, tomboys are girls.
Another term is tomgirls. Now even more confusingly, many of the girls who appreciate this tomboy style actually call themselves “Bois”
It must be difficult for straight people who have to navigate these terms before they allow themselves to want to put their dick in something
There is a general rule in the LGBT+ community now we have a lexicon (and some indices) of terms by which you can navigate your desires, feelings and behavior.
That lexicon exists to help you sort out who you are. It’s not there for you to categorize other people. People really don’t fit into categories (in any sense) and there are always outliers and fringe cases.
If someone starts an I wonder if I’m an egg conversation, its okay to engage with awareness of comfort levels. We each are captains of our own respective identities.
The hardest thing for people to grok is identity ≠ behavior. The continued necessity of the closet means we are still not free to be our true selves in public. Yes, this can be weird, but even close friends can gatekeep by surprise. We need room to explore and be cautious, even if you, personally are dedicated to inclusion and tolerance.
So yeah, if someone seems enby or trans to you, they remain whatever they identify as, and only they get to decide when it is open to discussion.
Fem boys aren’t an example of an egg anyways. If a person is calling a femboy an egg they are completely misunderstanding what an egg is.
Eggs are funny and sometimes adorable because they don’t quite know who they are and they give hints at who they want to be. A femboy is someone who knows who they are.
Wait when did “egg” in the context of gender and sexuality become a thing?
“You egg” is an old insult in New Zealand since at least the 1980s meaning you are a dork or loveable idiot.
Edit: there’s heaps of examples in Taika Waititi’s NZ films.
Realising one is trans is often called “cracking your egg”. Calling someone an egg in this context means insinuating the person is trans (and hasn’t realised it yet).
Not necessarily trans, it’s just being unsure about which gender direction you want to choose. Nonbinary and “actually I am cis” are also valid outcomes after cracking.
Wild that you just called gender a choice
Didn’t even think about that interpretation of my comment, lol
When you grow up your sex is like the default setting for your gender. I meant it in the sense that when you grow up you get to choose how you want to express yourself. Deviation from the default setting as a choice, not like you can choose your gender. There are very strong correlations in the brain structure of trans people with people of their whished-to-be-born-as sex.
Is it not one?
Kinda? But not really. Sorta like sexual orientation.
Isnt it what LGBTQ+ community has been fighting for everyone to understand?
@tb_ thanks, got it. Has it been a thing for many years or is it new?
Not many years, but far from new in internet time scales. Maybe in the last decade or so.
@jawa21 now that I’m really thinking about it, I think I’ve probably seen people using it to refer to themselves but not using it on others as an insult.
That’s how it’s supposed to be used, r/egg_irl was pretty big, and now there is !egg_irl@lemmy.blahaj.zone
Both are mostly people suspecting they are trans, and coming to accept themselves
Shakespeare uses it too!
@JohnDClay @Malgas omg this is as good as the time I found out Hieronymous Bosch had painted a kiwi bird.
Can you share a Pic of the Kiwi bird please ? 🥺 👉👈
@Wutchilli you mean in the painting? Sure, look in the bottom right corner of the third side of the Haywain Triptych.
Edit: detail
Thanks
It’s similar to being in the closet. When you come out as a trans person, you “come out of your shell” so to speak. As such, people who haven’t are considered to be “eggs” still inside their shells.
While we are talking about that, wouldn’t chrysalis be more fitting?
When the trans person hatches a beautiful butterfly emerges from the chrysalis.
Perhaps. I didn’t make the analogy. Personally, as a completely cis person, I think they both work really well. Maybe there’s some more significant meaning from another perspective.
They say that when the egg cracks, a cute chick comes out. Chick referring to both a trans woman and a baby chicken. Doesn’t work for trans men but that’s how the term started I believe.
Also Shakespeare:
What, you egg! [He Stabs Him]
–Macbeth Act 4, Scene 2
I think if you make sure to call someone an “igg”, or preferably, a “bliddy igg”, then should still be fine
Preferably while listening to Iminim’s Lose Yoursilf.
@porous_grey_matter I think I just need to make sure I only use it on other Kiwis.
Not the birds, though. That would be the equivalent of calling them babies, which I’d imagine they’d find very insulting.
@Viking_Hippie if a bird is being an egg I will tell it. #nofilter
Fun fact: kiwi have the biggest egg relative to their body size of any bird in the world.
if a bird is being an egg I will tell it. #nofilter
Look at this badass talking at eggs! So principled! 😄
egg should only ever be a self-label anyway
The hell is an egg?? I’m a fluid femboy and I stg we get so lost in semantics man like what is this? Is this really a thing thats affecting people?
An egg is a trans person before they’ve realized/accepted they’re trans.
So still a good source of protein?
Yes, but both trans and cis are good protein source
And we’re discussing this distant niche slur over other topics in the LGBT? I just dunno man:/ like you’d have to be so deeply in the know to call someone this
Removed by mod
it’s not exactly about the term itself, but more that very often whenever a femboy makes it known that they are cis, people trip over eachother to reply with “for now” or “check back i 2 years and see if that’s true” etc. implying that it’s impossible for men to present femininely and just kinda reinventing the gender binary
I call my cat an egg when he sits in his little basket. He looks like he’s an egg sitting in an egg poacher.
If you put the straw in the bottom of a capri sun, you’re a boy. If you put it in the top you’re a girl.
I don’t know anyone who puts the straw in the bottom, wouldn’t that make a huge mess?
Yes but us 5 year olds thought it was the manly thing to do 💪😤
I had forgotten entirely about doing this as a kid, hell
What if you preferred koolaid bursts and just didn’t drink capri suns?
Non-binary
Ah man… So I can’t use my favorite Shakespearean insult?
Dies.
I think there’s enough difference in the context and tone that these two use-cases don’t really collide much besides being the same word.
“Egg” on its own is generic enough that it really needs context to know what one means, usually said context is situational.
I don’t know why people can’t just let other people live their lives in peace.
Is this really real? Egg seems like such a fun and friendly thing to call someone, like saying they have a lot of potential! I don’t want look it up now cuz I’m gonna get my heart broken. Thank you at least for the warning, assuming you are being genuine.
It’s ok to call yourself an egg, but calling other people eggs is like saying “I know your gender identity better than you do”.
I’d say the only time it’s ok to call someone else an egg is if it’s past tense, if the person has transitioned, and if their transition is public knowledge.
I’ve always thought of it like the prime directive: you shouldn’t interfere, you should only be there in a supportive fashion when it happens.
Oof, that sounds so horrible! I’m not even sure that using egg in past-tense seems right. That feels like drinking with buddies when someone who’s known you your whole life starts regaling the group with the last time you peed the bed. Sure, it’s out of your control and there’s nothing to be particularly ashamed of, but why you gotta bring that up, yo?
Right, it can still out someone. But between friends that know each other’s boundaries it’s fine
An egg is a term in the LGBTQ community for someone who is exploring their gender or is in denial of it. When an egg cracks/hatches, a trans person has accepted who they really are. Calling someone an egg is telling them they’re trans, and is not something anyone should dictate about someone else.
Thank you for explaining that. That’s horrible and I’m saddened by how creative we are when it comes to tearing each other down…
it’s not tearing people down, it’s usually someone unintentionally doing something hurtful when they mean to try to help someone.
read the first section of this, it explains the issue (the egg prime directive) well: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/am-i-trans
How can egg_irl memes then work? Seems like there’s a fine line with them.
Self-proclaimed eggs realize they might be not-cis; but they haven’t found themself yet. Or are in the denial phase. Or many other things.
Our shell show cracks, but we haven’t hatched yet.
Eggs and hatched eggs post memes about being an egg or questioning their own gender. Other people seeing the memes may or may not relate.
The issue is in telling someone they are trans. Read this if you’re really interested, the first section is about the egg prime directive and explains this concept and why it’s important really well: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/am-i-trans
Memes about calling others eggs are often controversial. Most of the memes are either just general trans memes that aren’t really egg-specific or people making fun of their own egginess.
I didnt know that was a slur
It’s not a slur, the point is that you don’t get to dictate someone else’s personal journey. Instead we tell our stories, and if that helps someone relate, it’s because our story resonates with their story.
Everything can be a slur if we put our hearts into it ❤
It’s not really a slur, it’s just really uncool, as it makes assumptions about the person’s identity.
Beautiful I love it! 💜
untortunately it’s part of hon culture to call amab ppl who do steretypically fem things eggs
“hon culture”
/TTTT/ and its consequences has been a disaster for the human race.
Hard agree, I just got a case of the brainworms during my last mental breakdown phase (still ongiong). I did/do hate myself enough enough to browse it for a while (luckily I never rly posted/participated and only been there for a short while). Also deleted the app I used to acces the chans but I’m still sorry for all the ppl on /lgbt/ bc I feel the pain and dysphoria lvls
Some vocabulary, however, is just accurate and fitting imo.
Fyi: I’m against the full medicalization of trans-ness and think a model akin to the on of neurodivergency would be a good pov. (fuck truscums, tho as I said I feel sorry for their lvls of hatred, as I can very much relate).
But they are right about some things like the toxic positivity in many trans spaces, especially hugboxing.
I understand the breakdown but the brainworms are still really present even in this comment. So I’m gonna rant a little.
The issue “hon culture” and the term “hon” in general is that it others non passing trans women.
TTTT has such a huge self hating obsession with non passing, that they elevate it and create something that doesn’t really exist outside their twisted world view.
The irony is that many of them do pass, they just have a horriblly mysogynistic view of women that they directed inwardly at themselves. Cis women don’t really get to chose the woman they get to be either and many if not most would fail those standards.
The term toxic positivity and hugboxing is also largely misunderstood. Everytime I’ve seen it it’s just TTTT people complaining that they can’t spread their bile, or that they didn’t get the masochistic hit of self hatred. People being overly supportive is not nearly as toxic as the alternative.
I understand why you feel the way you do. I’m probably one of those toxicly positive people you are taking about, but I still feel the same kind of dysphoria and self hatred too.
But I also know I don’t have to let that same hated control me or my actions. And I know I would never direct it towards or even enable it in my trans siblings.
TL;DR: no /TTTT/ is wrong about everything
the one time i visited that board, the first thing i saw was a thread of a bunch of absolutely adorable girls sharing selfies with “it’s over” and other fatalistic comments, really sad
I agree with your take on passing and that the warped self perception is harmful.
What I was getting at with the toxic positivity: Some ppl will literally call everything that moves in a gnc way an egg (“wdym you identify as cis? But you cross dress and do things which do not correspond with your agab. You must be an egg” which itself perpetuates harmful stereotypes. Another example would be all those “are you trans test” which just ask you stereotypical question and will categorize in the gender binary). Will lie about appearances and voice when asked for genuine feedback, as well as display overly aggresive confidence in their ignorance of others insecurities/anxiety/issues (e.g. “why don’t you come out at work, I was perfectly fine,just put on a wig; you just need a little push.”) Was not talking about being denied the ability to promote self hatred
and if my comment seemed to direct hate at others I am sorry about that, since it wasn’t my intention to do so.
what the hell is a “hon”
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