Nobody wants a five cheese pizza. That is when they break out the weird cheeses.

The 5th cheese is always ricotta. Like, no shade to ricotta, but if I wanted fancy cottage cheese, I would be eating lasagna. Not to mention that it is the number two stomach killer of cheeses, right behind the cheese your dad insists he just bought, but it has a promo on it for a signed ball by Stockton and Malone. That cheese is so old and moldy it has basically become a more expensive cheese.

There aren’t even any tomatoes on it. He really did lose the wrong son.