It’s really just that there isn’t much point in desperately courting people who do nothing. Over and over again. With no real evidence of anything different ever happening.

If you can’t show up, that’s awful. If you don’t show up, that’s on you. If people notice you don’t show up and plan around you… that’s your fault. You weren’t there. You’ll probably never be. It becomes more sensible, eventually, to work with those who are.

Smugness is blaming them for accepting your intransigence. It’s not anyone else’s fault. It’s just you.