My mother was one of the most intelligent people I know; she had a genius-level IQ and always seemed to know how to handle any situation with grace and efficiency. She was the breadwinner in our family, making much more than my dad and supporting our family well. She was my role model growing up, and thanks to her, I prefer strong, independent, intellectual women in my life.
In her old age though, she’s moved in next to her favorite brother whom she idolizes, a hero back in his day. (Firemen chief who’s always been aggressively involved in his community and can fix/build anything.) Unfortunately, he’s extremely pro-Trump and has convinced my mother that anything progressive is evil and “the way things used to be” is far superior to any “modern crap.”
My mother now argues vehemently against any programs that help her out in old age, she attacks progressive politicians and projects, and she immediately shuts down conversation if I mention anything about politics, even just stating neutral facts like “Trump won the presidency.” I just can’t get through to her anymore.
On top of that, she doesn’t handle controversy well anymore. My wife and I had one minor disagreement in front of her (not even raised voices, more or less an argument, just working through a misunderstanding) and she practically blew up at both of us, claiming we put her in an uncomfortable spot and she didn’t want to be stuck listening to us “fight.” Which prevented us from resolving our disagreement in a healthy manner and led to my wife and I having an actual fight later.
I’ve learned to be happy and cheerful around my mother and never bring anything decisive to her. Let her enjoy her final days in ignorant bliss. It hurts because I can’t be myself around her. I can’t have difficult discussions with her anymore and I can’t go to her with my own problems. She’s no longer the voice of logic and reason. There’s nothing wrong with her cognitively; she’s still all there in the head. She’s just so rooted in her conservative belief structure that she won’t accept me unless I’m the “perfect son.” And that sucks.
In my experience it’s much easier to be a similar “perfect” in the long run. My parents were shit and they’re forever miserable, because they’re not willing to do the hard work for happiness. Meanwhile I’ve been at it regarding the hard work and, sure, while exhausting, I feel far better for it and it feels so much more sustainable.
I could go on and elaborate but idk if that’s too necessary
My mother was one of the most intelligent people I know; she had a genius-level IQ and always seemed to know how to handle any situation with grace and efficiency. She was the breadwinner in our family, making much more than my dad and supporting our family well. She was my role model growing up, and thanks to her, I prefer strong, independent, intellectual women in my life.
In her old age though, she’s moved in next to her favorite brother whom she idolizes, a hero back in his day. (Firemen chief who’s always been aggressively involved in his community and can fix/build anything.) Unfortunately, he’s extremely pro-Trump and has convinced my mother that anything progressive is evil and “the way things used to be” is far superior to any “modern crap.”
My mother now argues vehemently against any programs that help her out in old age, she attacks progressive politicians and projects, and she immediately shuts down conversation if I mention anything about politics, even just stating neutral facts like “Trump won the presidency.” I just can’t get through to her anymore.
On top of that, she doesn’t handle controversy well anymore. My wife and I had one minor disagreement in front of her (not even raised voices, more or less an argument, just working through a misunderstanding) and she practically blew up at both of us, claiming we put her in an uncomfortable spot and she didn’t want to be stuck listening to us “fight.” Which prevented us from resolving our disagreement in a healthy manner and led to my wife and I having an actual fight later.
I’ve learned to be happy and cheerful around my mother and never bring anything decisive to her. Let her enjoy her final days in ignorant bliss. It hurts because I can’t be myself around her. I can’t have difficult discussions with her anymore and I can’t go to her with my own problems. She’s no longer the voice of logic and reason. There’s nothing wrong with her cognitively; she’s still all there in the head. She’s just so rooted in her conservative belief structure that she won’t accept me unless I’m the “perfect son.” And that sucks.
It’s tiresome to be a hero. That perfection you saw, you’re feeling the burden now. Can you see yourself doing it for a lifetime?
She’s old, tired and wants to be pampered instead of doing the pampering. Tough, I know, but (mental) exhaustion ain’t no joke.
In my experience it’s much easier to be a similar “perfect” in the long run. My parents were shit and they’re forever miserable, because they’re not willing to do the hard work for happiness. Meanwhile I’ve been at it regarding the hard work and, sure, while exhausting, I feel far better for it and it feels so much more sustainable.
I could go on and elaborate but idk if that’s too necessary