I have a long distance friend and I’ll admit we get super super flirty sometimes because of how lonely we both are.
So both of us haven’t been laid in months. 8+ for both of us.
Both of us started getting turned on the phone the other day, one thing led to another and she and I had some consexual “mutual masturbation” over the phone. Phone sex simply (cringe I know, but that itch was there)
After we had both finished I just felt sort of ashamed and gross for about an hour.
Is this normal? I’m still very inexperienced with sexuality in general because in such a shy shy guy.
Is this this what they mean when they say post nut clarity or whatever?
It’s normal in the sense that if you have some trauma around your sexuality, then yes you might feel ashamed and gross.
But otherwise, no, this is not normal. I think it would be interesting for you to figure out why exactly you felt gross.
Why I talk about “normal” so weirdly is that normal is one of those words that are incredibly damaging. Its only use is to make people feel bad about themselves, because essentially everyone is “not normal” in some way. Even if you’re “not normal”, this is not something bad. Being normal is not in itself something desirable.
That would be post nut clarity yeah and i would say its semi normal. Some people experience it some people dont. Maybe ask yourself why you view phone sex (or sexual activity in general) as shameful. In the end its just people being horny for eachother and doing what they can to get off, its normal for people to feel sexual desire and have sex etc.
The shame you associate with that is probably societal conditioning
Awesome reply man. No immaturity at all.
Yeah I notice a lot of people are just able to lay in bed and cuddle and laugh about it immediately afterwards, while people like myself will sort of feel gross and shameful for a little bit immediately after any sexual acts. Thanks for not laughing at the cringe its a long distance friendship and it had been a long time since either of us were intimate with anyone.
I was even looking at her kind of like… “gross did I just do this perverted stuff over the phone with her”…
Of course now, later, 'im thinking it was fun and I enjoyed it.
Yes I think it probably is societal condition and the way I was raised
I would never make fun of someome being vulnerable, best of luck with your sex life comrade o7. Overcoming that shame is not an easy task but it is very worth it, my girlfriend struggled with it for a long time but now is the type to cuddle after sex and tell me she loves me instead of taking a shower bc she feels gross.
Anyway sex isnt cringe and neither is being sexual with someone you care about. <3
In my mind, what you did with your friend sounds fun and like something you both needed. It was consensual. You both came so it must’ve been fun during at least for you too. There’s no problem from what you wrote, so there must be something you didn’t mention yet which makes you feel gross and ashamed.
It’s impossible to guess what exactly you didn’t mention. Extremely religious upbringing where sexuality was taboo? Sexual abuse? Social stigma? Problematic parental relationships? Who knows
It’d be post nut clarity if ya friend was trynna convince you to come out and fuck them in person and you realized that a bang session isn’t worth cross country air fare.
What you’re experience is “my god what have I done…”, usually experienced the first time you go any deeper in the hedonism hole than you have previously, first time you jack off with a partner, first time you get pegged, first time you get pegged with the biggest dildo you can find on Bad Dragon.
Could be a sign of a healthy new boundary, or it could be a sign you have a Dr. Jeckle-esque kink for catharsis via self shame, either way, nothing to worry about as long as you don’t feel compelled to actually seek confession at the nearest cathedral.
