How have you successfully gotten over a breakup? I did not end the relationship and it was the most significant of my life. I feel confused and trying to understand why. I’m not sleeping well and my anxiety has decided to resurface. I’m ruminating. I don’t have many people to go to about this. Please don’t say I will find someone else, because I can’t go there right now. And I know it won’t happen anyway.
Breakups can be pretty hard to cope with depending on how it ended.
The best advice I can think of is trying to think of it as an era of your life is now over. Those events from that era still have significance to you and will likely for a long time. And the best thing to do is not to dwell on them but look to the future.
What will this new era bring? Will you pick up those hobbies you’ve been thinking about but didn’t have the spare time for? Will you find new adventures in hobbies you already have? Will you focus on self improvement?
The best thing you can do is to let go.
They’re gone, they chose to move on. And now you will have to as well.
Yes they were incredibly significant to you, and for a time you were to them too. But just like eras in history those eras end and a new era begins.
Don’t dwell on the past and what could have been, you will only find pain there.
Look to the future for what could be.
And reach out to your friends/family and talk to them. It will be hard but open up to them about it. And if your family is just as supportive as mine, just your friends.
Here’s a brief(ish) personal story of how my most significant relationship ended.
Trigger warning: death and substance abuse.
A long time ago I was in a long-term committed relationship with 2 people (a man and a woman) I loved more than anything. Life was good for a time and improving. We had long-term goals for the relationship and our futures together.
Then some stuff went wrong that waa outside of our control, we could still achieve our goals but they would have been harder. We didn’t know how to handle it well. But we tried to stay on target.
Then more things went wrong that put us on a 30 day clock to sort out housing situation faster than we had hoped by a long shot.
We had nobody we could lean on for help, our only choice was to try our damnedest to make it happen.
We were running up to our deadline, stress was at an all time high.
We were working as many hours as we could trying to get the cash together faster then we thought possible.
She lost her job.
Then she died.
And a few days later he died due to drinking and driving.
Everything fell apart.
The era was over. And a new era had begun.
I handled it the worst way possible, I fell back into substance abuse.
And it took me 6 years to kick it.
Don’t do what I did, don’t lean into substance abuse (alcohol/drugs) they will only make the hurt worse.