Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I’ve been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don’t have to decide to do them. They don’t have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they’ve done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system…which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it’s been an active choice. I’ve had to devote thought and attention to it. It’s not a routine, it’s not a habit, it’s something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say “bless you” when someone sneezes,
It’s because I’ve had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It’s part of my struggle with my weight–exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just “turn into a habit”. And blamed, when it didn’t.
Drinking water isn’t a habit. Feeding myself isn’t a habit. Bathing isn’t a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
ADHD and depression aren’t mutually exclusive. What you and I might struggle with on a Tuesday might be the last straw for another person.
Most people in real life who know me have almost no clue that I’m diagnosed with ADHD. I’m similar to the other person who responded to you, in the sense that no one bothered to teach me the coping skills I needed when I was younger. I’ll be honest with you, people’s attitudes towards it led me down a pretty dark path. I got fed up with random people assuming that they knew more about my diagnosis than my doctor did. I got tired of listening to people who had never even been around someone with ADHD tell me that I “wasn’t trying hard enough” or that I “didn’t try their family cure”. So, nearly no one knows anymore. It can be isolating.
I could have used my experiences as an excuse to be a judgemental, angry person, but I decided that I was better than that. Instead, now I try to help others in my life with the same or similar conditions. Sometimes, just being a little more emotionally open with people who are struggling can do wonders for them.
If you were having the worst time of your life, you probably wouldn’t want to listen to random people who are grumpy with you, right? You’re probably going to go for the people who will actually hear what you have to say, even if they can’t offer an instant fix.
What I’m getting at, is sometimes people just want to be heard. They aren’t necessarily looking for someone to tell them what they’re doing wrong. Sometimes they’re just looking for “oh man, I have that problem too!” or a “that sucks, I’m sorry to hear that”. Mental health is easier when you don’t feel alone.
If I don’t feel up to the task, I just scroll. Who am I to tell someone I don’t know that they aren’t trying hard enough? That’s up to that person, the people who love them, and their doctor, imo.
For the rare people who do use it as an excuse, you kind of have to wonder what else might be going on in their head. A lot of people are struggling. Please remember that correlation isn’t always causation. Some people will milk everything that they can to get by easier, so it’s not ADHD specific. For example, people like “Frank” from the show “Shameless”.