Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I’ve been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don’t have to decide to do them. They don’t have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they’ve done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system…which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it’s been an active choice. I’ve had to devote thought and attention to it. It’s not a routine, it’s not a habit, it’s something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say “bless you” when someone sneezes,
It’s because I’ve had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It’s part of my struggle with my weight–exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just “turn into a habit”. And blamed, when it didn’t.
Drinking water isn’t a habit. Feeding myself isn’t a habit. Bathing isn’t a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
When I was in college, my GF went to a different one 100 miles away. Every Saturday, I’d get in the car and drive to her dorm, stay the night, then drive back Sunday afternoon.
One weekend, she had something she had to do, so I didn’t go. I decided to get some stuff from an art supply store half a dozen miles down the same freeway. I was about 25 or 30 miles away when I realized I had passed my exit and was just driving to my GF’s out of habit. I didn’t even remember the drive.
Auto pilot. They talk about tasks being done on autopilot, but it’s mostly a car thing (piloting a vehicle, duh). For pretty much everything I have to put effort in, but I will say that with driving something different is happening to the point where if I am driving my husband somewhere and he knows it’s part of my normal route, he will remind me SEVERAL TIMES not to take my usual turn.
What’s up with that?