Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I’ve been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don’t have to decide to do them. They don’t have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they’ve done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system…which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it’s been an active choice. I’ve had to devote thought and attention to it. It’s not a routine, it’s not a habit, it’s something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say “bless you” when someone sneezes,
It’s because I’ve had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It’s part of my struggle with my weight–exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just “turn into a habit”. And blamed, when it didn’t.
Drinking water isn’t a habit. Feeding myself isn’t a habit. Bathing isn’t a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
I did neurofeedback training a while back in order to hopefully do something about being an inattentive scatterbrain. They did a brain map, and even though I was expecting “forgetfullness” on the results, my anxiety was registered as through the roof, which was not at all something I expected or felt was a problem for me.
My doctor asked me a few questions, and it turns out that constantly running multi-tiered to-do lists through you head as you do other daily activities - like problem-solving at work and holding conversations - in order to remember everything you need to do is not, in fact, normal behavior.
This is why it’s so hard to have these conversations with neurotypicals in particular. A majority of the time, NDs don’t even know what they’re struggling with because it’s so automatic at this stage. And when things get boiled down to “nobody just runs a marathon automatically without deciding to lol silly!” it gets even more challenging.