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Cake day: July 6th, 2023

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  • My mom’s not a narcissist, but she grew up with an abusive father and an enabling mother, and she continues a lot of the toxic practices she learned growing up. She turns the smallest disagreements into full-on fights, and she constantly bickers and complains about everything the rest of the family does or doesn’t do.

    The rest of the family still struggles a lot with her behaviour, but I’ve found a few things that help me deal with her:

    • If mom comes at me with her complaining then I don’t let the discussion grow into a fight gradually, I go nuclear straight away, calling her a fucking hell-bitch so loud that the neighbors and anyone walking past the house can definitely hear it - and then I walk away. Somehow this gets the point through to her that I’m not playing her game, possibly because I don’t give her the time to work up her anger to the point where she finally goes nuclear herself and forgets everything around her.
    • I never visit mom and dad’s house, but I sometimes allow them to visit my house. That way I can always just throw the both of them out if she starts to go toxic.
    • I try to remind dad and my sister that we’ve already tried to get through to mom a thousand times before, and if she still doesn’t want to change her behaviour then we can’t force her. The only thing we can really control is our presence.