Maybe it was a blurry video of someone (gasp) tearing fabric.

No, they can’t. The fediverse doesn’t work like that, it isn’t controlled by one entity, the most individual instances could do is defederate from Reddit.

To convert that to open services: Let me just post this on Pixelfed, send it via Telegram/Signal, upload it to (hmm, can someone help me here) and have it recompressed by Odysee/Peertube!