Between the lines of “I don’t want to” reads “I have to”, which is easily disputed if said out loud.

It’s like… 2001 shareware shitpost flavored.

experts say crooks created fake businesses or lied about their numbers of employees to get access to more free cash

If you were creative and unscrupulous, you probably could have come up with something. Forged documents or the like.

Finley faces up to 30 years in prison, and paying more than $3.2 million in restitution, plus a $1.25 million fine.

But then there’s that.