Oh…that guy was known for something? I saw the post and just thought he was some random asshole

I wish they were still the MIGHTY Ducks.

Everyone keeps saying “go vote” “go vote”. But, isn’t it too late to register, and therefore the only people who can vote already confirmed that they will be?

This isn’t to say that people shouldn’t vote. They should. This is just to say that people shouldn’t post endless threads on social media AFTER it’s it’s too late to register. The people who are registered, already know they’re voting. The people NOT registered, can’t vote.

So who is this thread for?

…is it though?

Alright. At what point do we admit that The Onion is just serving out legitimate factual stories?

This absolutely happened, right?

Wait…are we supplying Poland too?

… what? Korea hasn’t existed since 1945. North Korea isn’t part of NATO, sure. But South Korea IS part of NATO.

So, I’m unclear what you mean.

In the 90s, the headlines were absurdist satire, and the point was to laugh at people who could fall for it being a real news publication.

Things like “Woman wins powerball lottery. Buys state of Montana.”

NOW the headlines are absurdist satire, and the world has decided to bite the onion SO HARD that real life headlines are just as absurdist and satire adjacent, that you’re easily forgiven for not knowing the difference between ketchup and catsup.

…yet

Well, when face fucking, the tongue does often play a key roll.

“Fuckface”. Hey! I kinda like that!

…fuckface.

How exactly does he think…

checks list

…a whole shitload of things exist? Everything from microwave ovens, to nasa space rockets, to jet engines? Shit! If the nazis weren’t so god damned evil they would have been pretty awesome…but they aren’t. You know, because of the whole evil facist racists thing.

But damn they knew how to invent stuff, and have stylish military uniforms while doing so.

Do you not want to never get no ice cream, no?

…yes?

You know…I’ve accepted since I was 5 that Bert and Ernie are a gay couple…but I’ve never once stopped to ponder what their sexual kinks are.

It’s a lot wilder than I thought.

God damn…I’m way past due! Instead I have to get a SECOND job!!!

I didn’t bite the onion on this one, but only because it’s too TAME. Real life is much crazier than this.

If it were a realistic kind of crazy, he would have done the photo shoot in Florida with alligators, and lost a finger.

Boss gets a dollar, I get…less then a penny??? Aw hell!! Screw pooping on company time! I’mma just bring a gun into work!

…and the news has another days worth of content.

(Just to be clear, I’m NOT threatening to bring a gun to work. I don’t own a gun. I’m just showing how these scenarios play out)

Newspapers should post full color porn in their papers. Print media wouldn’t be dying if you could get tits delivered to your doorstep daily!

Why? You hungry?

If you’re a cop, you have to tell me, man! Like legally, you can’t arrest me without telling me you’re a cop!