There are plenty of “Learn to code” courses online. Khan Academy has a course though it is focused on web development, and many users here will turn up there nose, but it’s as good a starting point as anything else
If you are dedicated I’m sure you could learn how to write code in a language, learn how different parts of programming languages work and build a little project in 6 months.
“Like literally a pro” depends on where you are looking to be hired by. With no experience or formal training, it will be rather difficult to land a FAANG job. But of you can demonstrate aptitude, and willingness to learn, a smaller operation meet give you a shot.
Good luck, I hope you stick with it :D
Nono, they are on top of something.
And that something is fucking massive oil reservoirs.