Gender inequality isn’t solved via paperwork. If anything that would make pay equity even harder to achieve.

Getcha a hard working green card husband.

Yes. Named for its incredibly complex reproductive organs that loop around like a hotwheels track.

The movie Trick 'r Treat, scaring the neighborhood kids, and blowing out all the jack o lanterns at 12:01.

And leave out a bowl of milk and a tray of candies for the demons/fairies overnight.

Haha. It’s always a vibe. Saw a little kid dressed as the warden from Minecraft and I pretended to have the darkness effect and gave him a wad of mini crunch bars. I think he was super happy to get recognized!

And they aren’t hard and fast rules. Just a sliding scale. And after being on candy duty for the last 15 years, you kinda just internalize it.

Plus, Halloween is all about the rules. Say trick or treat. Don’t blow out your pumpkin before midnight so the demons don’t get ya. Always check your candy.

There are rules for my parents house. I give out the candy there and we go through like 30 pounds of it in a night.

Not Saying Trick or Treat? No Candy. (EDIT: If they don’t say it, I always ask them “What do you say?” Which is funny too. Sometimes they go through “Thank you” “Happy Halloween” then finally get to “Trick or Treat.” Then they do get their appropriate amount of candy.)

Saying Trick or Treat with no costume? One candy, low tier.

Trick or Treat with Costume? 2 pieces, probably some chocolate.

Trick or Treat with High Effort or Very Unique costume I haven’t seen 10 of all night? 3-4 pieces def some chocolate and a ring pop.

Within that, older siblings escorting younger? Extra piece + glow stick.

Family Costume Set? Extra piece and my mom takes a picture of them.

I scare the shit out of you when I rip the door open? Extra piece?

I scare you and you cry? Extra chocolate.

Babies? Mom deserves an extra piece.

I don’t think I’ll ever be one of those. Tho, TexasDrunk always seems to chime in when he sees me. But it has been a while.

Hi TexasDrunk, hope it was a good Halloween at the bar.

The UK def missing.

Fun. Ruination and urination are just a transposition away!

Truck bros park in the dead center of 4 spots.

Technically? All dinosaurs are fish. You are a fish. But you are not a dinosaur.

No such things as trees either…

That golden retriever lives great until the son gets curious with a hairbrush.

“I’ve fallen and can’t get up!”

Turns bulb slightly in socket

I AM AN EXORCIST!

Like oranges?

I know all my berries have leptons!

I was the kid that would whisper the words that other kids were struggling reading so they would get it right while also counting ahead to practice my paragraph. Then I would get pissed because the teacher would say to keep reading when it got to me so I had to read more out loud than the other kids did.

I’d buy it. Especially an outdoor pizza style oven in the style of a Minecraft furnace.

Just kill me.