as i understand it, being told to behave more like a man is a common experience of being a boy, so seems like you’re doing it right to me

slightly depressing jokes aside, your identity isn’t determined by how you dress yourself, it’s determined by what you say and believe you are

that said, not everyone is able to discern the distinction. that doesn’t mean they’ll never understand… but it might require your own rock solid belief in what you are, and explaining the difference, for some people to understand it

it’s a harder path, especially if you want people to understand you and see you how you are… it’s easier to be gender conforming for a reason, you know? but you can take that information into account and act according to your preferences, balancing between your expression and your desire to conform. there’s no wrong answer

for what it’s worth, it’s a reasonably common sentiment that i’ve heard amongst transmascs, to enjoy feminine expression a lot more post transition. usually reluctantly expressed due to a desire to pass

for myself, i was content to dress quite femininely for a long time. recently, i’ve started working out and putting on muscle, which i’ve enjoyed a lot… but it does make dressing in a pretty way very challenging. i got too big for over half of my wardrobe… sigh. i’ll get back to it, one day

as a last note, phallo doesn’t require HRT as a prerequisite, the way meta does. unless, of course, your doctor specifically requires it, which is fairly commonplace but unfortunate. i imagine that’s the case for you, but i figured i’d include this note on the slim chance it wasn’t

hope this all helps you on your journey

would it be that it were so simple, but for that “feelings garbage” to be the cause of ADHD to begin with…

More than half of adults with ADHD also experience anxiety. But, Sibley’s study shows this might not always be a bad thing. skip past newsletter promotion

this article feels… really gross. like wow, ADHD people thrive under stress! i wonder how they ended up like that

it also doesn’t seem to have any regard for the wellbeing of the people in the study, just their productivity, although it could just be being presented poorly by the article

just shitty overall

you’re being homophobic and kind of racist, too (not all ethnicities grow very much body hair, but apparently being attracted to them would also make you a pedo). so if you’re not right wing, you’re sure acting like it

i hope you have a really unpleasant day and get banned

my good person, you need to take a break from the right wing alarm machines

you are the only one here who is uneducated enough to think that “weight and body hair” are the only signs of post-puberty maturity in men

a lot of men don’t put on weight well into their 20s, for reasons which are completely explainable without “second puberty”, something you entirely brought into this conversation as a strawman to knock down by yourself

a lot of men also have trouble growing body hair. not every man is a big hairy fuck (affectionate, as i am a big hairy fuck). also, plenty of men shave their body hair, and it’s still fine to be attracted to them. are you going to start calling straight men pedophiles for being attracted to shaved women???

you may also note that twinks are famously attractive for being quite muscular, which is very difficult to achieve without the heightened testosterone levels post-puberty

please stop posting these deliberate false exaggerated takes. it’s really ruining the vibe, tbh

(ps: second puberty is a thing, but it’s a trans person thing, so it’s not part of this argument)

i like this question

one of the major roadblocks to figuring out i was trans is that a lot of my self value and perspective of the world was rooted in being a woman

the night i realized that wasn’t true, that i wasn’t a woman, that i probably had never been a woman, was truly incredible. everything i knew about the world fell away and for a short time, i saw everything with fresh eyes. nothing i had learned before was taken for granted; everything was subject to change, everything needed to be checked again

of course, over the course of the next week or so, i found that indeed, the world worked pretty similarly to how i had figured it did before. but ever since, a lot of things have changed, too. for example, it’s very hard to assume that people’s genders are set in stone anymore. prior, i thought them to be fairly rigid, known early in life. and now it’s more like… if you’re cis, it’s a little harder to assume you’ll always be cis, since most cis people haven’t gone through the internal work to even be open to the possibility that they’re not cis, nevermind the various threats to life and identity that come with it…

anyways, the point i was trying to get by talking about all this is- especially over the last decade or so, where i found out a lot of people i looked up to or even aspired to be like were total shitbags- i think that rooting your identity is a mistake

let yourself be open to being whatever you’re composed of at the moment… knowing you might need to release it in the next. appreciate it while it’s there, understand what you get out of it, and don’t be afraid to fall into its absence… trust that you’ll always find the solid ground of yourself below it

not until they’ve unionized ✊

i know you already posted so this is kind of late, but i think it would be good to post why you’re asking people on the internet if you pass. i think any particular reason is fine; to just do it for validation, or to help you troubleshoot something in particular, if you’re gauging how safe you are, or actually just plain curiousity, whatever

but i also sort of worry about the effects it has on a community for people to be posting pictures and asking if they pass, at least without context. passing is already a rather subjective process, and there’s kind of an implied “passing = good” idea, which can be reinforced by these types of posts

it’s important to acknowledge that there are trans people (trans masc people too!) who either are unable to pass or don’t desire to pass

i think that adding the context of why you want other people’s opinion helps lessen the implicit idea of “passing = good”, which i believe generally leads to a more positive and welcoming space for all trans people (e.g. “i’d like to know if i pass as (gender) for the validation” highlights that this is addressing a specific feeling for you, rather than something general that everyone should desire)

also, i want to clarify that i do not think wanting to pass is a bad thing. it is completely fine for you, individual trans person, to want to pass and appear as your desired gender. what i oppose is the idea that, to be valid, one needs to pass

@cowboycrustation@lemmy.blahaj.zone tagging you because i think you run this place and i’d appreciate it if you gave my post some thought

ayyy nice, congrats. one thing i’m curious about is if you’ll feel some twinges of dysphoria about sitting to pee still, down the road. i’m in a similar boat to you, re: more dysphoric about the lack of penis than presence of vagina, but i had a bottom surgery consult and it made me wonder if i would regret not being able to stand to pee / ejaculate from my dick, etc

i don’t expect you’ll regret it, to be clear. just if, down the line, you’ll be like. well that would have been nice. or if you’ll just be totally unbothered by it

but for now, i hope you’re excited and cherishing your new dick! 🎉🎉🎉

uh… so, hims minoxidil looks fine. i’ve mostly used costco/kirkland brand (you can get this off amazon too). the bigger concern with minoxidil, imo, is price. shit’s expensive, so try to get the best deal you can, buy in bulk (it’s a long term thing anyways), just make sure it’s a 5% concentration.

anyways, i’ve been on minoxidil for probably 3 years (mostly facial application, too)… and i look my age, tbh i would look older if i didn’t minox my temples too lol (fwiw i’m in my 30s). i think minox is probably pretty safe to take re: aging effects, but everyone’s body is different, and you always take the risk of something weird happening when you consume Chemicals. i’d probably also consider it safer for topical use than rosemary oil, but i tend to be suspicious of those kinds of oils anyways

btw, it doesn’t really matter if you do oil or foam. i’ve done both, i tend to prefer oil because i feel like it’s easier to apply to specific areas. but the foam was… fine. most people seem to prefer foam more, from what i’ve seen. i don’t think it really matters

nein

highly recommend getting into weight lifting to help your body redistribute fat and develop muscle. make sure you’re eating enough too! (if you do this, do NOT go hard buying tightly fitted clothes, you WILL outgrow them and have to throw them out)

as for your hairline, if you want to keep your hair, you might be able to maintain it with minoxidil. it’s kind of difficult because it might just be masculinizing, instead of receding entirely. unfortunately, i’m not a good judge of the difference, either, but receding is normal and doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to go bald

minoxidil on your face can help the facial hair grow in too, if you want

otherwise, it sounds like your transition is coming along well! i’m happy for you and hope it continues

i think it would be really helpful for you to include which country you’re from. in the US, i would think it’s pretty comparable, but in other countries, there are probably different cultural factors at play that make it difficult to speak to without taking them into account

from the way you write and your dismissal of e.g. candy crush as “not a real game”, i think those cultural factors are probably what’s preventing either 1) women from feeling like they’re allowed to participate or 2) women from revealing, around you, that they play games

fwiw, i wouldn’t assume that women as a whole assume games are silly or childish. some women probably think that, for sure, just like some men do. but their viewpoints are as varied as women themselves are. it’s very possible that they simply view them as a masculine hobby that isn’t “for women”, or just haven’t been exposed to any they’d be interested in, or, similarly to you, wouldn’t consider being interested in mobile games to be “real gaming”

i was househunting for a while recently and i felt the same way about sending out viewing requests. i was wondering how many these people were getting from spam to begin with, and now ai generated. it didn’t help that the messages were nearly identical despite handwriting them all… i really should have just made a template lmao

having a type is not the same thing, the essence of fetishizing is objectifying a body type without the consent or consideration of the person who owns the body

e.g. “it would be a shame to waste those great tits of yours” is a fetishization because it’s only taking into account the viewer’s perspective, not the owner’s. a lot of trans men feel really dysphoric about having breasts and, quite frankly, it is only their business if they get top surgery or not. if they ask for your opinion, you can give it, but it should probably emphasize their happiness anyways because they’re the ones who have to live in their body, at the end of the day

basically, as long as you treat the person you’re seeing with respect and consideration for their happiness, you don’t really need to worry about it

not that we should be equivocating meth and adhd meds in the adhd community 😭

but otherwise yea, very good point being made. i didn’t realize that was a criteria

flail time

yeah i feel you. i don’t think this would be better even if i were vegan (i’m not bc i think i would starve due to a number of dietary restrictions /allergies, but i cycle in the vegan food i can)

yeah and i posed both questions just to kind of allow for multiple possibilities because, y’know, i wasn’t really sure what was going on in your head

but otherwise, i dunno if you’re this comfortable with your dad, but if you are, maybe you could have a conversation about it. ask him if he knows about sex work and how workers in the porn industry are treated, ask if he’s considered looking for ethical pornography producers, maybe suggest some (?) LOL

i understand this isn’t a conversation everyone is necessarily comfortable having, but i think, if you can overcome the awkwardness, it’s worth it to kind of reaffirm your dad’s relationship with you and his shared values with you. fwiw i think a lot of people (men?) who are like, strongly feminist would be open to reconsidering this stuff and maybe just don’t necessarily have the tools or haven’t really had the idea to explicitly pursue more ethical porn. some of it is just accessibility, you know? like, everyone knows pornhub, but i can’t name an ethical porn studio offhand

that said, this inspired me to google it (i know, what an idea) and i found a couple of article recommendations as a starting point:

https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a36465164/ethical-porn/

https://sexualalpha.com/ethical-porn-sites/

and then, just for full disclosure, some of the things that prevented me from doing that before were:

• i didn’t (and still am not sure) that i could just trust a google search about this (it’s still better than nothing and the second article lists some signs that you can look for, at least)
• conflating ethical with soft: sorry if this is too mcuh information LMAO but i’m kind of into people fucking hard (sort of regardless of gender), so it’s hard to feel like i’ll enjoy ethical porn. i think it’s better now, i would have been a lot more concerned ten years ago, but there’s probably something nowadays that is ethical and still caters to me
• there’s also kind of the concern about like, getting my money’s worth, because tbh ethical porn DOES mean paying for it. the money isn’t really a huge concern (altho it could be for others), but it’s hard to want to manage it without the sort of security of a good return. again, it’s not a huge deal, it’s a worthwhile investment to spend a few bucks to find out and i think these studios probably have enough available material to evaluate them
• similarly on the accessibility front, is being able to access it on my phone bc my pc is in the goddamn living room (another situation which has probably improved substantially over the last ten years)
• some of it is just like, it wasn’t that feasible or good of a situation ten years ago and i just haven’t sat down to think about it much since the last time i did until now. and your dad is definitely older than i am, i am not old enough to have a child your age LOL

notably, none of these are really about whether it’s a (morally) good idea or not, it’s a lot about the practicalities, but yknow not necessarily every feminist guy is on this page

i’m not gonna sit here and pretend these are the best reasons or anything, i’m not the best human being to ever live, but i try to do better than the day before, and i listed those reasons out honestly to hopefully help if you decide to have that conversation with… not even just your dad, but anyone

but you know, if you decide not too, obviously that’s totally fine and understandable LOL, i think this was still good to write up and talk about

i had to think on this a little bit, and knowing you’re a woman helped me see where you were coming from, i think

and i think you should reflect on what looking at porn says to you about a person. because there can be a lot of baggage attached and - at least for me, as a guy who likes porn - i’ve already had to come to terms with that stuff. but it’s hard to know if someone else has done that kind of inner reflective work about what most people treat as a throwaway hobby

it’s also kind of like, how comfortable are you with your own sexuality? are you asexual? how did your folks treat sex and sexuality growing up?

i don’t have any answers for you, and you certainly don’t need to answer any of these questions in a public forum on the internet. but hopefully they help you understand and resolve what’s troubling you

fwiw, my dad is super careless about it LMAO i found his porn bookmarks by accident as a kid. and nowadays his steam notifies me when he hops on hentai games 💀💀💀 but yknow what, good for him, hope he’s having a good time