As someone who was long term emotionally abused by someone “because of their adhd” and then later diagnosed with adhd myself, I think a lot of the confusion and messiness around this topic comes from genuinely bad-intentioned (or very young/ immature) people misusing medical language to stymie fair communication in relationships. Many people need accomodations, different communication styles, certain boundaries or conditions to function but they know how to meet their own needs without hurting people and apologize when they need to apologize. But, assholes who want to blame or harm or use others have adopted the exact same terminology as the nice people who just are trying to get their needs met in good faith. I think this is where a lot of the frustration about neurodivergence as an “excuse” comes from. It can be hard to tell which sort of person you’re talking to and unfortunately citing adhd or another condition is sometimes used to shut down someone else’s legitimate hurt feelings about something disappointing or genuinely fucked up that occurred.

it also takes time and maturity and healthcare to figure out what you need for accommodations, how to manage one’s emotions, how to have healthy conflict, etc. No one is perfect or born knowing these things, and not everyone communicating badly or unfairly is doing it on purpose or old enough to know better. People DO need to get the help they need in order to stop, though. If you do have adhd, it can also be messy and hard to discern honest important feedback vs bad faith or unrealistic expectations from others. Recommend therapy for sorting through that.

Edit: just wanna be extra clear that i am NOT saying the above is what you were doing!! Just offering a possible explanation for why OTHER people may be acting and feeling the way they do, and what I think some people actually mean when they say this. Tldr it may not have to do with you at all, lots of jerks are muddying the waters.

Bold take. But it’s good to know your preferences. Pets aren’t for everyone. Kind of weird that people tell you to get a dog like it’s a utilitarian solution to something and not like, a living creature.

I think it heavily depends on the other factors in your life and the lives of people you want to get go know : income, health,transportation, how much free time you and other people have. I loved the time I spend in a larger city, but I could not afford nor physically be able to do many of the things that I wanted to. The freedom and constant background of being near many strangers was excellent, and there were lots of possibilities for things to do, but they weren’t as feasible as they seemed. It didn’t work out much of the time because 1. I was broke and had limited good health days 2. Other people were also broke and extremely busy. Even free events come with other monetary costs and planning hiccups. So I think it just depends on where you prefer to live environment-wise and what you want to experience on a day to day, what you want to look at and hear outside. Cities are great if you can afford them. I enjoyed being there a lot. But It’s still logistically hard and often very expensive to socialize no matter where you live.

Agree. This kind of thing only ever seems to come up in regards to to heterosexual dating and it really imo diminishes the entire whole complex humans that are on both sides of the hypothetical interaction. You’re not talking to ~A Woman~* you’re talking to a person, who might or might not like you depending on 8374684 possible factors about the situation or their/your personality.

Edit: misread your initial point. Sorry! I think the main thing is talking to kids, giving them context and content warnings, knowing their maturity level and and letting them in most cases lead the way about what they’re okay with reading within reason, while answering their questions about sex, violence, relationships, etc. Kids tend to put back books they’re not ready for.

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I think ‘cute’ has developed a second meaning that is more in line with ‘stylish, aesthetically pleasing, clever’ than the ‘infant baby child/object’ sense of the word but I don’t know how to explain the difference. Probably the person’s other actions and intent and tone. Is someone being condescending in general, trying to frame someone as less than? Or is their body language/conversation style more geared toward a genuine expression of ‘i think you’re cool and like the way you look/your outfit or idea is nice’. I’m short and I get both - there is a subtle but very unmistakable difference between good cute and condescending cute. I feel the same way about ‘adorable’. The condescending usage of cute in my personal experience comes most often from women.

That just because someone treats you better than you’ve ever been treated before, does NOT mean that they are treating you WELL.

If you were bullied or abused as a kid, do some actual reading about what’s normal and healthy, and get out of a situation immediately if there are any even slightly concerning signs. No second chances, no guilt, no self blame, just go.

Bingo.

I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s intentionally demoralizing and so fucking unnecessarily cruel. Please hang in there, I truly hope you can get approved soon.

Disability rules are extremely obtuse and unclear to both social security workers and people who need the benefits. See also: this npr story about similar bs.. Fiscal conservatives seem to think that if they make these programs punitive and stressful enough then the people who rely on them will simply stop being disabled (or stop existing).

Yep. Not LDS but years of propaganda that ‘your’ family is ‘people you get to own’ has done real damage. Family values create a fun little hierarchy that many people have been taught to feel entitled to, it’s theirs for ruling over, and taking this socially acceptable power trip AWAY from people who’ve grown to expect it causes BIG EMOTIONS. They don’t seem to see family or societal obligations as real relationships, just requirements to fulfill so they can enjoy a little power. They fundamentally don’t understand that you have to be kind to people and support them if you want them to stay.

LGBTQIA+ people exist everywhere but the acceptance and (perception of) safety is not universal or evenly distributed. I feel like this is not discussed as much as it should be.

Information that should be taught in school heath classes. It makes me queasy how often I have seen this from organizations and unscrupulous people in the wild. Happens a lot on campuses and wherever a lot of people are ‘new’ to an area or otherwise vulnerable socially. Predatory shit.

Thank you

Thank you <3

It’s so hard. Sorry you’re also dealing with it. <3

Not sure what I was looking for either but this is good advice. Thank you <3

No, it’s Foxing. Making a mental note to be on the lookout for new smashing pumpkins, though.

This is awesome. I’m glad you lucked out like that.