Call me Fénix. I’m a nonbinary trans man, in my mid-30s, started T some ten years ago and been on it most of the intervening time. Based in Portland, OR.

Have had hysterectomy and bottom surgery but got a full torso tattoo instead of top surgery, heh. I get euphoria from a lot of kind of old-fashioned or formal trappings of masculinity, like neckties and the like, though because I work in a less formal setting my standard uniform is a Hawaiian shirt.

I’m here because being a transmasculine person on the internet can be pretty lonesome. There’s lots of spaces full of transfems, or cis queer people, but places I can hang with other trans guys are pretty limited, especially for the kind of geek who doesn’t go on Facebook or similar. This is a place I feel community.

It’s not just the TSA; I had an unpleasant experience some years ago flying through Frankfurt, Germany. I wasn’t packing, but scanners flagged me because of my chest (no top surgery, I bind for travel but I guess it wasn’t flat enough that time) and the agents asked me if I’d prefer English or German. I said English, because my German’s not equal to that situation, and they assumed this meant I understood no German. So the one guy who spoke English asked me if I were a man or a woman and I explained that I’m trans. He translated to his associate as “both” to which she laughed scornfully and said “there’s no such thing!” I pretended not to understand so I could just get through the indignity as quickly as possible, but it cemented my hatred for airport security theater.

Looks like goodrx actually has a relatively easy way to compare, if you go to https://www.goodrx.com/testosterone and use the drop-down menu.

I will say, in my experience, the cheapest option is always injected (cypionate) vs. any kind of topical form. Kind of a bummer if you’re scared of needles or just prefer the gel, but it’s been pretty consistently true where I’ve looked.

I grew up in a family where everyone sat by default, so to me peeing while standing up is less gendered than it is for most people, I think. I’d still choose the ability to do everything your average cis guy can do if I could, of course. I don’t yet know if I’ll be able to sexually penetrate my partner, but I expect to not be able to and that is a thing I will feel a little sad about. Ejaculating and standing to pee are more “nice to haves” but that doesn’t mean I won’t occasionally wish I could do them.

My experience of just this last few days, though… looking in the mirror and seeing a tiny but definite penis for the first time was a huge euphoric moment. I’ve tried prosthetics and they sometimes make the dysphoria worse, making me more aware of what I don’t have basically. This is like the opposite, where sure, I don’t have all those abilities, but I have a penis! It’s familiar and a real organic part of me!

So far it’s not too bad. It was an outpatient procedure; I could dress myself pretty much when I woke up and walk pretty comfortably later that day. I’m a little stiff and sore, and the bleeding took a while to slow down — there’s still spotting, which is apparently very normal — but unless I get an infection I think I’ll be pretty much functioning normally soon.

Insurance covered 90% of the total, so I paid about $4000 US for the surgeon and facility fees. The clinic the surgeon works at has good insurance wranglers who made sure my two therapist letters said exactly the right thing to satisfy the insurance company.

For me, the dysphoria was around not having a penis, rather than having a vagina, so I didn’t feel the need for vaginectomy. I’m nonbinary transmasc anyway, and my kind of ideal was to go for “best of both worlds” rather than cis-equivalent. (Also, I knew meta probably wouldn’t give me enough size for penetrative sex, and I didn’t want to make that otherwise more difficult.)

So far recovery is going well! I’m not in much pain and have been able to waddle around like a penguin from basically when I woke up after the surgery.

Bruce Springsteen.

My uniform is Hawaiian shirts or other irregular patterns that break up the silhouette.

The classic rule of ponytails is that if it’s tied low on the head, down by the nape of the neck, it’s masculine, while if it’s tied on the top of the head it’s feminine. Don’t know why, but that makes for a fairly easy and forgiving default — anything at least shoulder length can be tied in a ponytail.

Very interesting links, thank you!

I did intramuscular cypionate at varying levels for most of my time on T, every two weeks, so not a lot of experimentation except for the dosage. Sounds like I should definitely talk to my prescribing doctor about options, whether I end up switching back from gel or not…

My therapist is actually a nonbinary trans woman, so I’m in good shape there; obviously her personal experience doesn’t include T delivery methods, but they also work with a bunch of other trans folks of all types, so there’s some tribal knowledge being filtered through there. I still learn more from the community than from medical professionals, though. Many thanks for the information and advice today!

Do you have a source on the topical/DHT connection? It kind of fits my experience, but I would love to see actual data there, as I am waffling about whether to stay on gel or go back to injections myself.

I started on injected, ramped up until it actually caused me problems (turns out my family history of epilepsy and migraines around puberty is androgen-sensitive, and I started having difficulty with light triggering awful headaches). Sustained at I think 50-60 mg after that, took about two years break and back on injections at 60 until I switched to gel about a year ago. The reason I say the DHT matches my experience is because I had a definite increase in hair growth and possibly bottom growth after switching and getting the dose right. (I had very little bottom growth before, and I still don’t really notice it.)

The whole process has been a little frustrating for me. Voice change, hair growth and muscular development were what I most wanted from T, but I turned out to be a tenor, got the genetics for just enough facial and chest hair to make it obvious how little I have, and my ability to get muscle definition is worse than the women in my family still. Like, I feel good on T, but it hasn’t been what I dreamed of as far as transforming my body.

Not yet. I’ve begun working towards it, but it’s overwhelming to research for very long, there’s not a lot of info out there, and a lot of what I can find is discouraging. According to the 2015 US Transgender Survey, only 1-2% of transmascs get bottom surgery; I’ll be interested to see next week when the 2022 numbers come out if it’s any higher, but I expect it’s still pretty low.