Lately, whenever I am not working, I feel tired all the time and unmotivated to do anything. Even things I like doing. I almost have to force myself to do these things. It’s quite difficult. I don’t even know if it’s a good idea. However, I want to get my life to a point where I am happy with how things are.
What can I do, when I still have to meet the demands of life? I’m honestly struggling a lot with getting normal daily chores and self-care tasks done. This has in part, been going on for some months now. I was previously in a job that was quite unfulfilling. Even now, I don’t like what I’m doing but it is a little better. I have an idea on what I want to do in the future. But it will require a year or two, to reach properly.
In the meantime, I have to attempt to self-regulate, which is really difficult. While taking on some new challenges at the same time. Not to mention, social demands as well. I want time off from work for awhile, but I can’t take it off. I will be getting time off a bit into next year. For now, I just have to put up with the demands I have to reach. Living independently has a degree of strain to it. But it’s better than living with my parents.
Has anyone got any ideas on how I can manage this? I don’t know how I’m going to manage my way through these things. I’m honestly dreading it.
This does sound like burnout, especially if lately is more than a couple of weeks. I’m sorry you’re going through this. But I’d absolutely recommend against pushing yourself. As I’ve painfully learned, none of this will get better by doing more, but by doing less, and you have to learn how to do less because it’s hard.
And you need help, some mental health professional that knows how to work with autistic patients. If not, there’s a risk people will give you productivity advice and this can be counterproductive and dangerous.
You might need meds. I did.
I pushed myself through several burn outs until my brain stopped working (I couldn’t think, my place could be burning and I wouldn’t have even tried to escape. My brain didn’t work). If it wasn’t for my partner I could have died.
But this happened at the end of many “small” burnouts that I pushed through. Each burnout made the next one worse.
The reason I pushed through was because like you, it felt like I was not able to stop without losing too much. For me, this ended up with long term consequences.
I would absolutely recommend finding a way to slow down, even if it costs. If you burn out completely your brain will simply force you to slow down. This cost is higher than you can imagine. Achieving my goals has definitely taken longer than if I had found a way to slow down by myself.
If you absolutely are unable to slow down at work (for example if you live in a country without sick leave where you can get fired anytime and your parents are truly awful), then you need to do less on your spare time. No productivity, no forcing yourself through hobbies, no trying to regulate or mask.
Do anything that takes no effort or expectations. Don’t try to regulate your time off, take naps as needed. Exercise is good, but you have to do it without goals or strict schedules. Keep yourself hydrated and fed. Take all the help if available, even if it feels temporarily less independent.
It feels like giving up, you’ll get FOMO, you’ll feel isolated and less independent, it sucks. You’ll wonder why it’s not getting better faster. But if your brain can recover a little, you will start slowly gravitating to some of the things you like. Even then, take it slowly and without expectations.
Thanks for your comment. I have had a burnout recently. Thought I was recovering. Then I started feeling like this again. I worked a job that took a lot out of me for a long time that I couldn’t sustain anymore. In order to get out of it, I worked two jobs at once. Now I only work one job. But after I transitioned into the new job, I found myself feeling demanded of, because I had to get used to how a lot of things worked. The change was very difficult to adjust to. So I haven’t stopped.
I have also been struggling to keep up with self-care and house chores for months. It’s not great. But honestly, I never found those things easy, especially when having to work in a job that just pays the bills, but offers no fulfillment. I’ve been considering getting accommodations or some kind of assistance with living independly. But I’m still waiting to get diagnosed for ASD. The final appointment won’t be till early April next year.
I really resonated with a lot of what you said. I have not hit the extreme that you went through, but it makes me have to reconsider things. For now, other than taking a lot of time to rest, and talking to a therapist who has dealt with autistic people, I don’t know if there is more I can get right now.
Like you said, I don’t know how to rest. Especially because, I feel like I need to keep going to move to a more fulfilling job, and something that is sustainable for me. Something that will open up things. I have a clear picture of what that is, but it is difficult to rest when I feel like if I do, I will be stuck.
This human really knows what she/he is talking about. Listen to his advice; it’s exactly the same for me. Good advice.
Agreed. This is all excellent advice!
It might be just a light depression (from unfulfilling jobs most probably), which, yes, if left untreated, can become more serious. I’d advise you to see a psychiatrist (not a therapist), describe the symptoms and see what he/she has to say. Perscription medication can have just the right nudge to push you in the right direction 😉. I’ve been strggling with depression for many years and I’ve been on meds on and off… it is what it is 🤷… today’s world, the harshness of it, combined with the lack of empathy from others, constant rise in tech and the demand for it, which alienates people even further… it all contributes. In the end, everyone reacts to it differently, some like it, some turn to full blown workoholics, some just get depressed 🤷.
Psychiatrists and psychologist do different things. I benefit greatly from both rather than any of them separately.
Agreed, that’s why I specifically said psychiatrist, because psychologists can’t perscribe meds. Sure, he cam visit both, no harm there.
Why not a therapist?
I’ve only heard good things about therapists and bad things about a handful of psychiatrists, as therapists are more focused on solutions that don’t need to involve meds, and psychiatrists often lean heavier into the meds.
I’m not trying to tell you that you’re wrong, I just really wanna know how your experience differs from mine.
Some people can get through with just therapy and not need medication. A lot of people benefit from having both things working together, and the medication can be a short term solution to let your brain chemistry heal while the therapy does its work.
I’m one of the people who needs both, because my brain chemistry is totally screwed up. I see my therapist every other week, and at this point I see my psychiatrist about every six months to check up on things. I’m probably going to be on medication forever, but it’s a lot nicer than being miserable and anxious and feeling lost.
*Empathy, homie.
Typo, corrected 👍.
Not a full solution by any means, but I’ve been using this calendar called Reclaim that has really helped me make time to rest and still get everything done. It automatically schedules everything for you into your Google Calendar based on restraints, as well as any habits or meetings. It’s really helped me prioritize better and see everything I’m doing in one place. The best part is when I add something to my calendar, like a dentist appt for example, it will automatically move everything around for me while still keeping my top priorities at the forefront of my schedule. It’s kinda hard to explain, there’s a lot more to it, but yeah just a tool that has worked really really well for me so far. I think there’s a solid free plan too.
Ultimately, you need to make time for genuine actual rest. Rest is very productive. Get outside, get a glass of water, take a nap—let yourself feel how you actually feel for a moment and be okay with it. Be okay with not being productive in that time too. There’s very real things we need to do in life, but we are not machines. We need rest. Scrolling on your phone or snacking isn’t rest though—it cannot be unhealthy coping, it’s gotta be intentional and good for the soul.
Last thing that has helped me is trying to find fun in the boring stuff. I know it sounds lame, but the idea is that we have the ability to change our feelings and perspectives towards things. Make the boring daily things fun in your mind, learn ways you can enjoy them, let the wonder creep in, and change things up in your environment to make it less dreary and monotonous.
And hey, you got a support network here. Sometimes we need help through the practical stuff, but sometimes there’s some deep emotional stuff we aren’t aware of and we need to process through. Either way, don’t ever do it alone. There’s some pretty incredible people here with some pretty incredible life experience. Don’t give up—we’re gonna get through this together.
I appreciate some of your ideas. The reclaim calendar sounds good. Though, I don’t use Google. But will check if it can work with other calendars.
It’s good I have this community. It has helped me a lot as an autistic adult. It’s murky waters when you’re still waiting for your autism assessment, and don’t have access to resources.
In some respects, there’s no addressing this problem.
If you’re impoverished enough to be incapable of taking time off of work, that’s because of legislation and leadership that have dumped poor people in the dirt for the last half century in favor of corporate interests. The burnout from that - incessant forced labor - cannot be recovered from without reasonable wealth distribution and employment regulations.
Counseling definitely helps. You may be suffering from something that we can’t fix unless we can fix it as a society. I hope we’re moving in that direction, because I’m right there with you. Drowning.
Kinda a leap from OPs post. While unfulfilled, he doesn’t describe his job as oppressive, or being overworked at all.
It sounds like depressive symptoms, TBH. Having worked in a high pressure system that demands more all the time, one helpful tool is to make and work towards goals. Goal based work feels fulfilling because there’s a reward at the end of it. Even if the goal is 2 years down the road, it’s worth working towards something rather than just working.
Yeah, you’re correct in your assumptions
I feel this from time to time, and for me it’s a very chemical feeling that comes about due to not enough sleep and (unhelpfully) not enough caffeine.
I also feel it if I’ve not been dong anything to stimulate myself mentally lately. Create something, anything.
The burnout aspect comes in the form of wanting to eject yourself when trying to do anything creative. It’s a difficult place to be in. Trying to force through just adds more strain and honestly doesn’t make anything better. Finding the causes for the burnout and addressing them is more effective from my experience.
I used to think like that too, until I realised that the importance of my underlying issues waxed/waned with the moon cycle. I’m a chemical being, sad to admit it, but it’s there.
