Hi. I’m new here. I am a workaholic. When I started to notice my mental decline I was working in very important role at one of the largest companies in the world. All I could see was the end prize, financial freedom. A few years in I knew I was going through health issues because sleeping was rough, I always felt on edge. All I wanted to do was make sure my wife would be set up if I died.

One day I could not take it anymore. I went to a different company. Took less than a week and I had the big one. A complete breakdown. I didn’t know what it was until a friend told me it may be panic attacks.

I got let go in about a year. I’ve been bouncing around jobs since. I get back up, I apply myself, I’m determined; or more like super productive due to stress.

Then I heard about a friend’s spouse who died of cancer. They were younger than myself. It just breaks me with a lot of what-if questions. If this happened to me, I didn’t enjoy life. I just worked. I got little progress to show for it except money in what feels like a doomed economy. I worked to make sure my wife can live an enjoyable life when I am gone. I don’t have a clue how to have fun.

I am now stuck with a lot of what-if questions that don’t have answers. I start my new job in about a week. It’s a good company, pays well, allegedly they care a lot about their employees. I just wish life would slow down enough to process things; deal with the anxiety issues. Now that I can breathe a bit again and about to regain my footing I feel more stressed.

Tl;dr I don’t know how not to have my life revolve around work.

Edit: feel free to offer advice. I’m kind of just in my own anxiety right now.