A couple of years ago I discovered my wife of 25 years was having an affair. I kicked her out and told her to go be with him (maybe that’s another AITA question). She asked what I would tell the kids, who at the time were 20 and 17 years old. I said I was going to tell them the truth. She pleaded, “please don’t tell the kids.” I said, “if you’re worried about what I’m going to say, you can tell them yourself.” And so she did. Pretty much right there and then, she told them the truth, packed up some things and left.

Ever since she has felt that it was wrong for me to make her tell the kids, or to tell them at all. From her perspective it’s none of their business. All they needed to know is that things broke down between us and we split up. They didn’t have a right to know why. It’s changed who she is in their minds, and it clearly has an impact on her relationship with them. They live with me, and mostly would rather not bother to see her anymore. They stay in touch with her and do things with her, but it’s clearly out of obligation (at least it’s clear to me)

I can imagine how completely crushing it must feel to know that your kids don’t want much to do with you. I feel bad for her, I really do. Yet, I believe the kids have a right to know why their lives were suddenly and completely changed out of the blue.

Am I wrong?

  • Signtist@lemmy.world
    1·
    1 year ago

    My parents broke up because my mom cheated on my dad, and they never told me or my sister. We still knew about it, though, because we could easily hear what they were arguing about behind closed doors. The fact that she never told us only made us resent her more.