Oh is this adhd? I just thought all my friends had deserted me. I think I better call that shrink. Was meant to get a better referral from my gp last week, but it was his last day and he fucked nearly everything up, aside from all the scripts I asked him to write. I called him a drug dealer. Maybe that wasn’t cool.

Fuck. I’m so sorry you have to put up with this crap. You could potentiaaly think about seeing a relationsip counsellor or mediator. You need to be heard and his disrespect toward you needs to stop.

I used to have an idea that ideas actually are there for everyone to tap into. They come from somewhere and if you’re attuned you recieve it and know how to respond to it. I got from hearing about multiple discoveries and playing improvised music in a bunch of settings for a number of years. At times if switched in, a drummer and bass player for example could sync to rhythms which were atypical and finish inprovised jams at the exact same time with the bass player (me) faced away from the drummer. At times I would enter a kind of trance and just breathe and my hands would move without thinking about them. Cool idea anyway.

hahah, yeah I played with my lip ring with my teeth all the time… It grossed people out, which was good at the time. I’m more reserved these days. My septum never healed over though, and I’ve worn it on and off over the years. So now I have three. I thought it would be not common, but it is which is fine. I tried to be “normal” for a while but I am not being neurodivergent and gender incongruent so I may as well lean into it all bit.

Ooft. I got both nostrils done at the same time recently. One went south and the other didn’t. The folk at the piercing shop in st kilda were awesome though, sold me antibiotic cream which was three times a day for four weeks!! But keloid looked liked it might form and now, they’re both almost fully healed. Ears next. I’m in 2nd puberty so getting all my old piercings I had in the 90s re-done as a revisit to my youth and a new start. Might not do the centre bottom lip though, it was kinda annoying.

Born from an egg on a mountaintop.

Hugs honey.

Yeah purple is a fruit. My new almost favourite t is purple and says fux war. yadda yadda it’s a kyiv indie label shirt and I never miss an opportunity to spruik them.

Well it’s cold windy and miserable south of the river near the beach. Good oodie to the supermarket weather when you don’t quite have change for the communal dryer and your clothes are washed but still quite wet. Ask here for other weather related suggestions.

I really loved the ever androgenous tripitaka.

Dinner was V2 vegan “meat” in a muffin with mayo tomato sauce and a bit of uncooked mushroom. There are three left. I stopped eating cheese, drinking beer and having normal breaded stuff since I wanted to lose weight.

I have such a weird relationship with food since nearly everything I ate at the last place was either the reduced whatever from woolies or veges I grew myself and made into stew. Can’t be bothered with spending an hour prepping for just me.

I live vicariously through all of your lovely food pics and kinda drool sometimes.

YAY!!! I’m really happy with this news.

Use brown rice instead. It’s not great in texture, but non rinse and soooo good for you.

Thanks I’m over the worst of it thankfully.

Pretty soon I’ll have the final paperwork sorted, so I’ll phone the lgbtqia+ legal service for advice as well. The nightclub industry is rife with illegal behaviour. The culture of sexual harassment is gross and I brought it up with them many times and their failure to do anything emboldened a staff member to harass and sexually assault me. It wasn’t a particularly bad assault but I’ll also likely report that to police as it was the crux of all the issues and thier reluctance to take it seriously was a terrible lack of due process. While that didn’t happen at work, it happened immediately after in my car, when I was giving them a fucking lift home. Also most the bullshit happened after I came out as trans.

Fuck. One last bit of paperwork from my old workplace and I’m finally free of it. I’m still undecided as to whether I’ll take a bunch of further action against them or not. I have nothing to gain and being vindictive is not in my nature. Justice however is a different matter. I’ll seek some psuedo legal advice from one of my best friends who practised law for a long time, he’s also been a life coach, mentor and father figure and I’ve always taken his advice, as it’s usually so good.

Walked nearly 10ks yesterday. The body is getting used to it slowly. This sprained wrist is only healing very slowly and may be getting worse again. I bought a better support for it but the new job and constant use of my hands outside it means it’s going to be a long haul I think.

Working again today and who knows when for the rest of the week. I’ll manage financially for the time being and with any luck won’t have to touch my savings. Just going to have live frugally for a while, which is fine. I have almost everything I need, so stopping having a disposable income won’t be a big deal. Just have to quit wearing make up and buying expensive skin care products, which is also fine. There’s peer pressure from other trans women a lot I find to “pass” meaning people can’t know you’re trans. It’s bullshit pure and simple as far as I’m concerned. I’m happy that for some people that’s what they want for themselves, but I’ve never bought into gender stereotypes and I’m not about to be bullied into starting buying into them. It’s also really important to be visible at the moment I think as well. I’m not winning friends by being direct about my response to this, but I’m done with trying to be a people pleaser.

Thanks for reading, journalling here is therapy and its good to be regular with it so I can look back over this time down the track and see what I was doing and feeling and such…

Kthxbyte xo

Yeah I had high blood pressure from the booze. But kept drinking regardless, it’s not a simple thing to admit I’m powerless over a substance and need help to quit it entirely, but I’m working on it every day. We’re encourage to be binge and social drinkers all the time in Australia and many of us only start to regulate it in our 40s when it’s done damage. Some of the damage can be undone of course but I had other bad health outcomes too and kept having super benders when given the chance. It could have been a lot worse, a lot of people in AA had much worse outcomes than I before they sought help. Treating my gender incongruence has enabled me to make much better decisions, be totally honest with myself and to finally actually love my body instead of seeing it as something I was dissociated from completely.

Yay! Well done. You’re well on your way to better health and in turn better self esteem. Being lighter on your feet is a wonderfully free feeling.

Alcohol gets turned into sugar by the liver or some other process. I’ve lost a bit more weight since I stopped drinking and started counting kms walked and my job is a workout in itself, which is nice. Waist is down from 34 last year to 30 though a bunch of that is atrophy of stomach muscles I think. I donated my scales, but I think I’ve lost about 10 kilos or maybe more. I’m shrinking and it’s giving me a more femme silhouette, which is pretty amazing.