• explodicle@sh.itjust.works
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        3 hours ago

        How does one tell the difference between someone who’s legitimately more attracted versus someone fetishizing them?

        • Cyteseer@lemmy.world
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          2 hours ago

          Fetishization is a form of objectification. When you stop seeing a human as a person and just as an object for your own attraction and lust, you’re fetishizing them.

          • chonglibloodsport@lemmy.world
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            2 hours ago

            Right but how do you tell how someone sees other people unless they actually say it out loud? Don’t get me wrong, there are loads of white guys like this (especially on the internet) but you can’t infer someone is like this just from their dating history.

            I think it’s especially an issue in tech because the demographics are already heavily skewed male (and white, Asian, or South Asian) and for some reason women in tech are much less likely to be white (more tolerance for awkwardness?)!

            • Jiggle_Physics@sh.itjust.works
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              49 minutes ago

              Usually these people will give it away through an accumulation of subtler behaviors, or they just kinda out-right say so.

              These things are often subtle. Noticing the many ways they never really talk about/to you in any other way than that one aspect of you they fetishize. In this post there is the dating history, how she is just there, quietly, on his arm, because he isn’t actually doing anything to interact with her outside of her being there to be his asian woman. You may say that it is her responsibility to socialize, and that can be true, but more often than not this is a learned behavior. They have come to understand he doesn’t really want them being anything but his arm candy, and has a history of making things bad if she does otherwise.

              A lot of this easily deniable, which is why so many people fall into it. A lot of abuse, and objectification, isn’t going “hey, you are my asian fuck doll, don’t try to have autonomy”. Much like how racism can be expressed in a bunch of much more subtle ways, like women taking direct hold of their purse when a black man walks on the elevator, but the strange white men didn’t illicit the same response. It could just be a shift of position, or a million other things that aren’t racism. However, when you are a black man, and see it happen every time this situation comes up, you realize it is a response to you, and what makes you different from those she was around to that point is? You are black. Hell, people might not even be aware they are doing it.

              There are some people that make it clear though, for reference see the incel community obsession with asian women.

  • Skullgrid@lemmy.world
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    13 hours ago

    Is it yellow fever if you also have various other variants that attract you to multiple different races?

    • fibojoly@sh.itjust.works
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      6 hours ago

      You can’t not fit in stereotypes, it’s the Law! And if one type doesn’t do it for you, you’re clearly a -phobe or racist. Obviously.

      • Skullgrid@lemmy.world
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        2 hours ago

        If I find the race based phenotypes of multiple races very arousing ( ex, Asian women because of their monolids, black women because of their melanin, white women for their paleness and freckles, etc etc) does it still count as yellow fever, because it comes accompanied by other attractions based on race too, instead of only lusting after that one race.

        • Jiggle_Physics@sh.itjust.works
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          43 minutes ago

          Finding a specific aspect of someone’s appearance attractive, and fetishization, are not the same. A normal person could find melanin attractive, and be fine. When they are eschewing any interest in the person other than them having dark skin, you are fetishizing them. The person in this comment is pointing out how this fictional guy only dates asian women, and brings her around to be shown, rather than to enjoy the experience with in a deep way.

    • Dinsmore@sh.itjust.works
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      5 hours ago

      If you have dated exclusively Asian women, but profess to feel attraction to other races, then it’s de facto yellow fever.